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Thursday, January 10, 2008

End of day 3

I can honestly say that sleep deprivation is a side effect of not smoking. Here I am 4 hours before I have to go to work. I am weak, I have torn though my car, my jackets and anywhere else I may have dropped a cigarette. I know if there was one in the house I would have sniffed it out and smoked it by now.
Instead I figured I would sit in bed and type up a little something.
today was pretty rough, and very stressful. On top of this not smoking thing I had court today. Another day I sit there trying to get child support and get told that we need to come back in a couple of weeks. I spent 8 hours in court today waiting to be told that nothing was going to be happening. So here I am wanting to smoke but can't dealing with a system where I have never seen a mother have to go though this to get a father to pay child support but over a year and a half I am still fighting for it.
I am also trying to decide if the fact that I am very depressed right now has to do with quiting smoking or going to the grocery store tonight and having to decide on toilet paper or milk. Then I also got a not home from preschool saying they will not allow my daughter there next week if I do not catch up on what I owe them. So daycare or electricity is going to be my choice next week...
I need a smoke...
Actually this would be the perfect time to sit in a hot bathtub with a big fat chew pinched between my lip and gums.
ohh well... I keep saying to myself, "once you get child support you will be able to get the bills caught up." problem is the mother of my oldest has not paid in 9 years, this one probably won't either... A man in family court is always a bad person. I got custody but I am "not a real man" for wanting money from a woman... Ohhh well. The life of Dru is always fun.


Kelly said...

Dru, I am sorry it is a constant battle for you with the child support. I can't imagine how hard that scenario would be. In regards to smoking... the only thing I can say is that there is probably never a "good time" to quit. There will always be something going on that wil make you turn to cigarettes as a crutch. It is rare that life is stress free. I know it is easy for me to say since I have not quit yet. But from my prior experience I have learned that life will continue to come at you hard. Keep up the good work! Don't let HER add to your problems by breaking your quit.

abi said...

Good luck in stopping to smoke! You definately can do this and after a week...you should be good :) all the best!

Enforcer said...

Dru- First off congrats on quitting smoking, your doing great for just confronting and tackling the problem (I never really took up smoking but dipping is my vice) and I'm not quite there yet with quitting.
I just got through a long custody battle with the ex and Kelly is right, don't give HER the power over you on that. My battle raged on for awhile and you are right about the double standard. Ours was a shared custody scenario and we just after many years got to a do-able schedule. My ex and I are supposed to pay half for all childcare expenses and she is behind by about eight thousand dollars now. There is a judgement of contempt of court against her and nothing has been done about it. It does get aggrivating but stay strong.

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